Beware The Teenagers
by Shadystar
Summary: There are some things that are awkward even for Batman. Daddybats faces many embarrassing and fluffy moments dealing with the teenagers on The Team. Series of one shots.
1. Chapter 1: The Talk (Part I)

**We all know that Batman is well-known for being a fearless vigilante, but there are some things even he is wary of. I've read a few fanfictions where Bruce/Batman and Dick/Robin have 'the talk' which usually featured Dick/Robin running away (which I thought were hilarious) and decided to do my own twist on the talk. This is my first Young Justice and Batman-centered related fanfic (I have written a few stories for Teen Titans). I tried to keep them in character as much as possible but it might veer a bit slightly for the sake of comedy (I tried to avoid as much as possible). **

**This will mostly be a short series of one-shots (unless otherwise noted), inspired by the concept of a song by one of my favorite bands; by the last chapter I have planned so far, there will be a big clue and chances are you can figure out the song I'm referring to (this story's title is a big clue) if you are familiar with the band and haven't figured it out already- but the story is still relatable even if you don't like or know the band/song I'm talking about.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Young Justice, Batman, or anything related to the DC comics universe. Please read, review and enjoy.**

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Chapter 1: The Talk (Part I: Interrogation)

Bruce Wayne was in his study reflecting on how much his adopted 13-year-old son, Dick Grayson, has grown over the years. He's noticed that Dick is starting to show interest in girls, particularly a young magician on the Team. When he took his young ward in, Bruce knew that the boy would eventually have to grow up, much to the man's disliking. Although Bruce had wanted to put this off as long as possible, he decided it's time that he and his son had 'the talk'.

Dick was in his room on the computer when he heard a knock at the door.

"Come in." Dick replied.

"How's your homework coming along, Dick?" Bruce asked as he entered the room to walk towards the younger male.

"I finished it all during study hall; I'm just playing a game now." The teenager informed his guardian as he kept his eyes glued to the screen.

"That's good." The billionaire said before he looked over the boy's shoulder and noticed that many of the female characters in the game were wearing tight and revealing clothes. 'Just in time' he thought to himself before he spoke again. "Dick, would you mind playing that game later? We need to talk."

"Am I in trouble?" The boy asked with a concerned tone, still playing his game.

"No, I just figured we're overdue for a talk." Bruce said trying to manage an even tone.

"I knew this day would come eventually." Dick said with a sigh as he saved the game and put the computer on sleep mode before turning his chair to face Bruce.

"Trust me, this isn't exactly going to be a picnic for me either." The older male assured his charge.

"I guess not." The younger male considered "So... What do you want to know?"

"Come again?" The man asked what he assumed was his 'innocent' son, to make sure he heard him right.

"What do you want to know about the glitch in the Wayne Tech data system?" The teen asked.

"There's a glitch in the data system?" Bruce asked slightly distracted from the conversation, before realizing it can wait and getting back on topic. "Regardless, that wasn't exactly 'the talk' I had in mind." He hinted, emphasizing the common term.

"Finally, I thought you'd never do this." Dick said with a slightly excited voice as he stood up from his computer chair.

"What?" Bruce said with a raised eyebrow, surprised by the boy's reaction.

"I've had so many questions that I've wanted to ask for almost a year." His teen ward confessed.

"You know that you could have asked me anytime. You didn't have to wait for the 'official' talk." The man informed his son.

"I know. But I had a lot of questions and you're always so busy with work, charity events, the League, and patrols. It just never seemed like the right time. I was thinking about asking Roy, but he's been busy working on that top-secret mission overseas." The teen admitted.

Knowing the mouth Roy had, combined with the stories of the young archer's adolescent shenanigans that he had heard from Green Arrow; Bruce was thankful that his son didn't turn to Roy when it came to seeking questions regarding sex and love.

"Well then, I suppose I should get started." Bruce said slightly uncomfortably as he began to sit in the boy's computer chair while gesturing for the boy to sit on the bed across for him. He cleared his throat before continuing: "Now then, when a man and a woman love each other very much…." The mentor started to say before he was interrupted by his protégé raising a hand to signal him to stop.

"It's okay, Bruce. We can skip that part. My health and science teachers already taught us about the biology and mechanics of reproduction." Dick informed Bruce.

"Are you sure?" The guardian responded, slightly confused. "I thought you said you had questions?"

"I do, just not about where babies come from." The teen declared.

"Alright, what type of questions do you have?" Bruce asked his son, who was now turning a little red in the face.

"Well…" Dick started to think about which question he should to ask first. "What age should a guy lose his virginity?"

"Well, that's a very personal decision and there's no one size fits all answer." His guardian answered trying to remain neutral before adding: "I, for one, would consider 13 to be too young."

"Don't worry, Bruce; I'm not planning on doing anything like that just yet. I'm probably going to need a lot of advice before I even attempt to do anything with anyone." The youth replied in a relaxed manner.

"Advice?" Bruce asked wondering where his ward was going with this.

"Well, yeah. All the guys at school ask me questions about any advice you have given me about dating and sex. I mean it's not every teenage boy that's adopted by a notorious playboy billionaire, you know." The adolescent explained.

"I thought you of all people would know better than to follow rumors spread by the media." The infamous womanizer stated with a smirked and raised eyebrow.

"Oh, I know better all right." Dick claimed. "Then again, I also have firsthand experience in witnessing strange women spending the night in your room. And don't think Alfred and I don't know what goes on in there."

"Richard!" Bruce exclaimed in shock of the accusations coming out of the boy's mouth.

"How naïve do you think I am?" Richard asked as he started to fold his arms. "I'm not a little kid anymore, Bruce. I'm grown up enough to figure out what adults do behind closed doors."

"What goes on between two consenting adults behind closed doors is private." Bruce stated bluntly with the famous Batglare before relaxing his face and sighing to add: "But you're right. You're not a kid anymore, Dick. You're becoming a man and if you have any questions, I want you to feel free to come to me."

"Good, because I still have more questions." Dick said with his face lit up.

"Then I'll try my best to answer them." Bruce promised with a small grin on his face.

"Okay, so what age did you lose your virginity? Better yet, who did you lose your virginity to?" The young man began to interrogate his father figure.

"Those aren't the type of questions I was thinking of." His guardian replied as the grin faded.

"How many women have you been with?" Dick changed the question, though he knew what Bruce meant.

"Perhaps it's time we discuss that glitch in the Wayne Tech's data system…." The mentor attempted to change the subject in a nonchalant tone.

"Oh, I got it. Who do you think is more attractive: Catwoman or Wonder Woman?" The adolescent inquired, ignoring his adopted father's comment. "And have you ever dated either of them?"

At that point, Bruce realized that he had backed himself into a corner. Dick was going to keep asking him embarrassing personal questions that the billionaire wasn't quite ready for his teenage son to know about yet. Bruce realized this was partially his fault for teaching the boy how to be a detective and interrogate people until he got the answers he wanted.

At this point, the detained man did the only logical thing he could think of: he reached into the utility belt he always wore under his business suit and reached for a smoke pellet; which he quickly grabbed and dropped on the floor to make a quick exit.

Once the smoke had cleared, Dick realized he was alone in his room with his door closed. It was locked from the outside. He attempted to open it by jiggling the knob, but it was no use. Dick began pounding on the door while shouting: "You can't run from me, Batman; I know where you live and I know all your secrets! If you think The Joker's bad, just wait until I get out of here!"

**To be continued...**


	2. Chapter 2: The Talk (Part II)

**Thanks for the reviews. fl4sh guessed right, it was based on the concept of 'Teenagers' by My Chemical Romance. This one is a continuation of the last chapter, with a little something extra for sass-mistress.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Young Justice or anything related to the DC comics universe or My Chemical Romance (If I did, MCR wouldn't have retired).**

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Chapter 2: The Talk (Part II: Chase)

After several minutes of trying to pick the lock, Alfred was about to finally let the young man out of his room with the spare key; when Dick finally unlocked the door himself.

"Where is he?" Dick asked as he opened the door and saw the butler on the other side.

"My apologies, Master Richard; but Master Bruce has given me strict orders not to inform you of his whereabouts for the rest of the evening." Alfred enlightened the boy.

Most people would have just given up and left the poor man alone. But not Dick Grayson; and certainly not Robin: The Boy Wonder. In fact, The Boy Wonder saw this as the ultimate challenge of all the skills he had acquired from his years of training with The Batman; a challenge in which The Boy Wonder was more than willing to accept.

After a little over 2 hours of searching Wayne Manor and the Wayne Tech building, still in his civilian attire, Robin suited up before searching The Batcave. When The Boy Wonder saw no sign of Bruce or Batman (and noticed that Batman's uniform was missing), he called Kid Flash for back up. They split up to search The Hall of Justice and The Watchtower before joining together to search the last place they could think of: Mount Justice.

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**Meanwhile at the Cave:**

M'gann and Conner just arrived home after Megan's cheer practice and a trip to the grocery store. They were putting the groceries away in the pantry, when the Martian suddenly let out a surprised shriek. Conner walked over to the pantry to see what had startled his girlfriend, assuming it must have been a spider; when instead he saw something he was not expecting.

"Batman?" Conner asked as he examined the dark cabinet with a perplexed expression on his face.

"Shhh…" The Dark Knight hushed the Kryptonian.

"What are you doing in there?" Superboy questioned the Caped Crusader in a quieter tone.

"I'm hiding from Robin." The Bat whispered the information to the aliens.

"Are you and Robin playing a game?" M'gann asked confused.

"Batman doesn't 'play games'; it's probably part of some type of detective training exercise." The Boy of Steel reasoned.

"Precisely." Batman confirmed in his normal tone, trying to avoid looking like he was afraid of his own protégé. "It is very important that no matter what, you absolutely cannot tell Robin where I am." The Dark Knight added.

"We won't." The aliens promised in unison before closing the cabinet door and continuing to put their groceries away before starting dinner.

* * *

About a half hour later, the Zeta-Beam announced Robin and Kid Flash's arrival. The alien couple were in front of the TV eating their dinner when their friends arrived.

"Have either of you seen Batman?" Robin asked his teammates.

"Can't say that I have." Superboy said trying to avoid lying and breaking his vow to the runaway at the same time.

"How long have you guys been here?" The youngest teen probed.

"Less than an hour." Miss Martian answered.

"He's been missing for about 4 hours, is anyone else home?" Robin investigated.

"No." Conner replied. "Red Tornado was called to an off world mission and Aqualad had to take care of something in Atlantis."

"Artemis is spending quality time with her mom and Zatanna is at a sleepover with some friends from school." M'gann added.

"There's a chance he could be here. KF, thoroughly search all the bedrooms. I'll check the training room and Red Tornado's apartment." The Boy Wonder instructed before he and his best friend split up to their designated areas.

Several minutes later, the boys returned to the living room where the couple was still sitting; but both had no luck in finding the ever illusive Batman.

"Are you sure Bats isn't on the off world mission with Red Tornado?" Kid Flash asked.

"No, I hacked the mission software weeks ago to get instant alerts on who's assigned to what and he wasn't listed for… Wait! Of course, how can I forget?" Robin said as he started fiddling with the holographic computer built into his glove.

He went back and looked at all of the surveillance footage of The Batcave, Wayne Manor, The Hall of Justice, the Wayne Tech building, and The Cave with in the last 4 hours. The Boy Wonder fast forwarded all the footage where he saw a video of Bruce first running through the halls of Wayne Manor, escaping from from Dick's room; then ducking out into the Batcave to morph himself into Batman before heading for the Zeta-Beams and appearing moments later in the Cave's footage. He noticed Batman frantically looking around the Cave for places to hide before going to the kitchen and disappearing into a cabinet.

"He's in the kitchen!" The Boy Wonder informed his partner in crime as everyone looked into the kitchen. Just then, Batman ran out of the pantry cabinet before trying to run towards the Zeta-Beams. At that moment, Robin shouted "Taser him, KF." As he grabbed the Taser out of his utility belt and tossed it to Kid Flash.

Wally blocked the Dark Knight from the Zeta Tube before tasing him, temporarily incapacitating the Caped Crusader long enough for Robin to handcuff his mentor and shoot him with a syringe full of Sodium Pentothal, more commonly known as the 'truth serum'. Robin asked Superboy to carry the passed out Batman to a chair, where Robin and Kid Flash quickly tied him up.

"Mind telling us what's going on?" Conner asked, not sure what was going on anymore.

"Batman tried to weasel out of answering my questions; so now we're thoroughly interrogating him." Robin clarified as his mentor started groggily groaning as he came to.

"What happened?" The Dark Knight asked, still in a bit of a daze from the sedative.

"You thought you could run, Batman. But there's no escaping the wrath of Robin: The Boy Wonder!" His protégé proclaimed. "And if you ever want to see the light of day again, you will answer all of our questions. Truthfully."

"_Our_?" Batman asked still trying to get out of the mind fog that was clouding his concentration.

"Wally has questions, too." Robin stated.

"Wait! Let me get Roy on the line." Wally said as he headed towards the phone.

"What type of questions are you asking him?" Conner asked.

"Mostly about sex and his love life. Do you want in on this, Supey?" Robin offered as Batman squirmed, struggling to escape the tied chair.

"Uh…?" Superboy responded, still confused by what was going on.

"I'll just go to my room; I need to talk to Karen about a new idea I had for a cheer routine, anyway." M'gann announced, assuming this was more of a 'guy thing'; before she kissed Conner on the cheek, "Have fun."

"Um, okay." The clone said to his girlfriend. "Sure… I guess." Conner finally responded to Robin's question.

The Kryptonian kissed the Martian back before she left the room. Robin made some popcorn and Conner set up some chairs, as Wally called Roy.

"Hey, you busy?" Wally inquired from the older redhead.

"I've got some spare time. What do you want, West?" Roy asked the younger ginger.

"We've captured The Batman and we're asking him embarrassing and personal questions about sex." West informed his older brother figure. "Want in?"

"Definitely." Roy confirmed, not wanting to miss out on a chance to embarrass Batman.

"Okay, Wally. We're ready!" Robin called out to his best friend from the living room. "Let the inquisition, begin!"

Just then, the Zeta-Beam announced the arrival of Green Arrow and The Flash.

"Is everyone alright?" Flash asked as he entered the common room.

"We got an emergency alert from Bat..." Green Arrow started to say as he and the speedster entered the room to see most of the males on the Team surrounding a tied up Batman.

"Green Arrow! Flash! Help!" Batman ordered.

"Uncle Barry, you're just in time." Kid Flash called out to his favorite uncle.

"Pull up a chair, guys. We're interrogating Batman and asking him embarrassing questions about his sex life." Robin invited his honorary uncles.

The two older men just shrugged and walked over to join the teens.

"Aren't you two going to help me?" Batman asked his long-time friends and colleagues.

"And miss out on this golden opportunity?" Flash teased his friend as he grabbed a chair. "Fat chance!"

"Has anyone asked him about Catwoman and Wonder Woman, yet?" Green Arrow asked.

"We were just getting to that." Robin said with a mischievous smirk on his face, as Batman groaned.

"My money's on Catwoman." Barry wagered.

"Barry!" Batman scolded, shooting the scarlet speedster his infamous Batglare.

"You're on, any other takers?" Oliver proposed.

"$5 for Wonder-Bat." Superboy wagered.

"Put me down for $10 on Bat-Cat." Red Arrow added over the phone.

"I've already spent all of my allowance, but I agree: Bats definitely likes the Cats." Kid Flash stated.

It's times like this where Bruce really regrets teaching his young son/protégé everything he knows about being a crime fighter. Batman was also starting to question his alliance with his so-called friends.


	3. Chapter 3: Mood Swings (Part I)

**Well, when you put it like that; how can I not accept the mission? But I wasn't really planning on continuing to add on to the first two chapters, I may continue it if I get some ideas for embarrassing/personal questions (and some canon/semi-canon answers would be helpful too), feel free to PM if you got any ideas.**

**This chapter came out a more little fluffier/hurt and comfort than I thought it was going to be (still some comedy) but oh, well- who doesn't love some good old fashion daddybats fluff? Please, don't answer that, just kidding. Kind of.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Young Justice or anything in the DC Comics universe.**

**As always: please read, review and enjoy.**

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Chapter 3: Dark Knight and the 7 Mood Swings (Part I)

**Grumpy (Conner):**

This weekend Bruce Wayne had a business trip planned and Robin decided to spend the weekend at the Cave with the Team. When the business trip was postponed (due to the bad weather at his destination canceling the flight), Batman decided to check up on his little bird.

Batman arrived at Mount Justice via Zeta-Beam. The Bat searched the Cave looking for Robin; but it appeared no one was home until he reached the workout room, where he found Conner.

"Superboy, have you seen Robin anywhere?" Batman inquired.

"Everyone's at the beach." Conner responded, as he was hitting the punching bag.

"Why aren't you with them?" The Caped Crusader questioned The Boy of Steel.

"I needed some time to myself." The clone replied.

"Something troubling you, son?" Batman inquired.

"'Son'?" The adolescent scoffed at the term. "That's a big part of the problem. Superman won't accept me as his son. Heck, he's practically refusing to acknowledge my existence at all."

"Superman just isn't used to the idea of being responsible for the overall well-being of another person. The other mentors and I are all working on it. He'll come around, eventually." The Dark Knight tried to assure the neglected teen.

"And when will that be: Before or after he learns about my other dad?" The Kryptonian asked throwing harder punches.

"Beg pardon?" The older male inquired.

"Oh, you didn't know? Apparently the reason why I don't have heat-vision and can't fly is because I'm part human. The man responsible for cloning me mixed in his own DNA because the original Superman clone was too feral." The spiteful teen said as he hit the punching bag even harder.

"Do you know who it was?" The Bat questioned.

"There's the kicker." The young clone said with an ironic smirk on his face. "Not only am I a part of Superman, but apparently I'm also a part of his arch-nemesis: Lex Luthor." Conner said the man's name as if it were a curse word, and busted the punching bag with a blow on the last word.

"You seem conflicted." Batman observed, trying to remain neutral as Superboy jumped on the treadmill.

"'Conflicted'? I have two dads that are polar opposites! My 'evil' dad is the only one who's willing to talk to me and my 'good' dad wants nothing to do with me now; imagine if he knew the truth." The hybrid clone said as he started running on the treadmill.

"As I said: Superman will come around eventually. And what he doesn't know won't hurt him." The caped vigilante assured the hybrid.

"Why doesn't he care about me now?" Conner muttered in a low whisper, as he was catching his breath.

"Are you… crying?" The vigilante asked the clone, feeling slightly uncomfortable.

"No. I'm just sweating… near my eyes." Superboy said turning the treadmill on the highest setting and running even faster, as he used his other arm to wipe the 'sweat' from his eyes.

"I understand the need to let your anger out through vigorous exercise. But if you exert yourself too much, you're only going to wind up getting injured. I think it's time you faced your problems head on. Perhaps you should talk to Black Canary." Batman suggested.

"Why, so she can tell me I have daddy issues?" Conner mocked the suggestion.

"Don't you?" The Bat stated with a raised eyebrow, as if he were challenging the Superboy to deny it.

"Doesn't everyone?" The hybrid countered.

"I didn't." The Caped Crusader contradicted; remembering how close he was with both his parents before their death.

"Why am I not surprised? The ever-so-perfect Batman doesn't have daddy issues." Conner said as the treadmill finally gave out and he jumped off to the side to catch his breath.

"I'm _not_ perfect. I've made mistakes and have my own demons to battle, just like anyone else." The Dark Knight informed the exhausted teen.

"Except none of those demons are your father." Superboy commented bitterly under his breath as he headed for the elliptical machine.

"Supe… Conner." Bruce corrected himself, as he placed a hand on the young man's shoulder, surprising the lad and stopping him in his tracks. "You need to talk to someone about your issues. I'm calling Black Canary for an emergency counseling session. But for now, hit the showers; before I have to replace anymore gym equipment."

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**Lonely (M'gann):**

The mentors had agreed to take turns switching protégés for patrols to familiarize themselves with other members of the Team. The first night out Batman and Robin switched with Martian Manhunter and Miss Martian. M'gann and Batman were patrolling Gotham on an unusually uneventful night. The Batman decided to start a conversation with M'gann, since she was one of the Team members he didn't know as well as the others.

"So, how are things at the Cave?" The Bat asked.

"Fine." The Martian responded automatically.

"And school?" The human inquired.

"Fine." M'gann replied.

"I've heard you're on the cheer-leading squad, how's that going?" The vigilante asked.

"Fine." Megan said with a sigh.

"You don't sound fine." The detective observed from her tone of voice. "It must be difficult juggling: missions, school, extracurriculars, and a boyfriend." He added, knowing the difficulties Dick has had with trying to be a normal teenager and a crime fighter.

"How did you know Conner and I are dating?" Miss M questioned.

"I _am_ Batman. I know everything that goes on in the League and the Team's lives." The infamous detective reminded her.

"Hello, Megan." She said to herself as she slapped herself on the forehead. "So, are you mad? Robin said that you wouldn't approve of anyone on the Team dating each other."

"Normally, I don't; especially since Superboy often lets his emotions get the better of him to begin with. But I'm aware that he also needs someone to balance him out and keep him in check." He explained.

"Sometimes, I think he's the only one who understands me. Don't get me wrong, I know everyone else on the Team also struggles with balancing a normal life and missions; but sometimes I feel so alone because I'm not like any of them... even Conner. I know they're my friends and everything; but sometimes I feel like I have to earn their friendship by always being cheerful and baking treats, which I always wind up burning anyway." The Martian explained.

"I'm not a very good cook, either." Batman offered as common ground, there was a reason Alfred banned him from using any of the kitchen appliances. "And they're already your friends. You don't need to earn their friendship with food. You should also keep in mind that Superboy is Kryptonian."

"I know Conner is technically an 'alien', too; but he has an easier time fitting in without having to hide his true self." The alien stated.

"Is this about you being a white Martian?" The caped vigilante pointed out.

Miss Martian gasped in surprise.

"How did you know I was a white Martian?" She asked.

"Manhunter told me." The Bat responded.

"Uncle J'onn knows, too?" M'gann questioned feeling mortified that she wasn't as good at camouflaging her true self as she thought she was.

"He's your uncle, why wouldn't he know?" Batman commented.

"It's just that, on Mars: white Martians are second class citizens. Green Martians are thought of as our superiors and they often ostracize us because of our genetic mutation. When I was younger my parents hid me from everyone, even family and friends, until I was old enough to shape shift and pass as a 'normal Martian'. I was afraid that if Uncle J'onn knew he wouldn't want me as his protégé and that he would send me back to Mars." The Martian girl admitted.

"Do you really believe your uncle is that shallow and prejudice?" The man asked, almost with a scoff in his voice.

"I guess not." Miss M surrendered, remembering how kind and understanding her uncle is.

"He's your uncle and he doesn't care what color or shape you are." Batman declared.

"What about you?" The Martian asked.

"As long as you can get the job done, I couldn't care less about what you really look like." The human clarified.

"You're not going to tell the others, are you?" The alien questioned.

"That's not my place. I think you should be the one to tell them; whenever you're ready." The Bat said.

"Thank you, Batman." The Martian said as she hugged the Dark Knight, he quickly reciprocated the hug in an awkward manner and returned to his normal stoic position.

"If anyone asks, this conversation and that hug: never happened. I do have a reputation to uphold, after all." The Batman claimed.

"What conversation?" The Martian said with a wink; playing along.

"Did you say something?" Batman continued the banter, before they spotted some suspicious activity on the next block and headed down to the street to check it out.

* * *

**Guilty (Zatanna):**

All of the members of the Team were at school; except for Zatanna, who was still recovering from a stomach bug. Red Tornado needed to run a few errands and called the only League member who was available to watch over the ill magician. Zatanna was sleeping on the couch when Batman approached her.

"Zatanna, wake up." The Bat lightly nudged the sleeping girl.

"Hmmm?" Zatanna stirred opening one eye to see the Dark Knight.

"It's 12:30; time for your medicine." He informed her as he placed a glass of water on the coffee table and opened the bottle of pills.

"Can't I just sleep it off?" The young magician mumbled trying to go back to sleep.

"You've already been sick for over a week. We need you well again so you can get back to school and the Team." Batman reminded the adolescent girl.

"Sometimes it seems like those are the only things I have to live for anymore." Zatanna grumbled while she started to wake up and sat upright.

"You don't mean that. Now take this." The Caped Crusader insisted while handing her an antibiotic pill and glass of water.

"It's my fault my dad had to put on that helmet and give up his freedom. It's my fault he's gone. I was the one who made the choice to put on the helmet; he should have just let me deal with the consequences myself." Zatanna mumbled before she took her medicine and washed it down with a full glass of water.

"Your father made his choice, and he chose to give you a chance to lead a long happy life." The man reminded the girl before he took the glass back to the sink.

"And that's the worst part. Lately whenever I notice I'm genuinely happy, I start thinking about him, and his sacrifice, and I start to feel guilty that he'll never have the same freedom." The teen on the couch responded.

"You can't spend the rest of your life feeling guilty about living." The Bat tried to assure her as he washed out the cup. "If anything, you should feel guilty if you're not leading a full life with the second chance you've been given."

Zatanna began bursting into tears; thinking about how her dad would be disappointed in her for wasting the second chance he gave her. Batman smacked himself on the forehead when he realized his comment didn't come out as clearly as he had meant it to. Thinking quickly, he grabbed a bowl from the cupboard and filled it with the soup on the stove that Red Tornado had made for the ill teen before he left. Batman walked back to the couch and set the bowl on the coffee table, almost as if it were a peace offering to the weeping girl.

"That didn't come out how I thought it would. I meant to say that your father would want you to be happy. I gave him my word that I would make sure you were well taken care of, and I never break a vow. But, as you can tell, I'm not exactly the most empathetic person in the world." The man said with a sigh before he continued. "Believe it or not, I have also dealt with survivor's guilt; so I do understand some of the struggles you are facing." He assured the magician, who was starting to calm down.

"Is that why you have a fear of intimacy?" Zatanna asked.

"Where would you get an idea like that?" The Bat asked slightly confused.

"Well, it's not like it isn't obvious just from observing you; but I heard it from Robin. He said that you're not good at showing emotions because you're afraid of getting too close to other people and that's why you avoid long-term relationships and don't want anyone else to have one." The girl informed him.

"Really? And how did that come up?" The Dark Knight asked both curious and slightly annoyed; knowing that his adopted son only said that because he was irritated that his guardian disapproved of him dating.

The mentor was also aware of Robin's not-so-secret crush on the ill girl that sat before him.

"We were just talking and I was asking why you won't let him share his secret identity with any of us, even though he knows all of ours." The magician clarified.

"I assure you, it's for both of our safety." Batman said; "So anything else Robin has told you about me?"

"Well, now that you mention it; he said you weren't a very good cook." Zatanna said as she looked down at the bowl of soup he placed on the coffee table.

"Don't worry, Red Tornado made it." He said with a slight smirk.

They continued talking while Zatanna finished her soup. She fell back to sleep shortly after and Batman left after Red Tornado returned.

* * *

**Sleepy (Dick):**

Later that day, Dick came home after visiting the Cave for a while after school. Bruce was in the living room watching TV on the couch when Dick stormed in.

"What did you say to Zatanna?" Dick asked in an angry tone.

"Hello to you too, Dick." Bruce said in a sarcastic tone as he turned off the TV; attempting to remind the boy of his manners.

"I tried talking to Zatanna earlier and she kept breaking into tears until she finally just locked herself in her room and refused to talk to anyone." The boy claimed.

"And that is my fault because…?" The guardian inquired.

"Red Tornado said that you were taking care of her for a few hours today while he was out." Dick reminded his father figure "You didn't say anything embarrassing about me, did you?"

"You mean like how you told her I have a 'fear of intimacy'?" The man mocked "And no, I didn't."

"She told you about that?" The teen asked slightly embarrassed.

"Yes, she did. By the way, have you considered that she might be upset because she is still mourning the loss of her father to Doctor Fate?" The adoptive father tried to reason.

"Well, maybe if you let me tell her anything personal about me I could help her cope." Dick accused.

"Dick, we've already discussed this about a hundred times. We're going to wait at least a full year; until we can make sure everyone on the Team is trustworthy of such classified information." Bruce reminded his boy.

"What more do they have to do to prove their loyalty? Dodge a bullet for you?" Richard exaggerated as he sat in the chair near the man, pouting.

"Do _not_ start this argument with me again, young man. You're on thin ice as it is; don't push it." Bruce glared at Dick, who was still pouting as he sunk into his chair. After a moment of silence, the older male decided to change the subject "Moving on, didn't you have a math test today? How do you think you did?"

"Awful, I couldn't comprehend half the questions on the test." The teen said in a flat tone.

"Have you tried studying?" The guardian questioned his ward in a satirical tone.

"Of course, I'm not an idiot. I stayed up all night studying." Dick said with an irritated tone while rubbing his eyes. "Obviously the teacher put questions on the test that we haven't gone over in class, yet."

"Or perhaps it was from staying up all night cramming for the test instead of sleeping." Bruce suggested "You're going through a growth spurt, Dick. You need more sleep to function properly. I think I should take you off night patrols for the rest of the school year."

"You can't do that. I won't let you." The defensive adolescent said angrily, standing up from his chair.

"We can discuss this later. For now, it might be best if you take a power nap before dinner." The father figure suggested.

"I don't need a nap. Maybe you need a nap!" The crabby adolescent countered in an accusing tone.

"I'm not the one who's cranky because he didn't sleep last night. Besides the last thing I need is an irritable crime fighting partner with psychosis. Now, go to your room and rest; I'll wake you up for dinner. And that's an order." The adoptive father/mentor ordered his ward/protégé.

"This isn't fair." The ward claimed, "And I'm not cranky!"

"This is your last warning, Richard John, or I will take you off night patrols indefinitely." The mentor threatened.

Richard reluctantly walked up to his room while grumbling under his breath.

"This is so unfair. He's not the boss of me. When I grow up, I'm going to change my hero name and go solo. That'll teach him. He won't tell me what to do…" Dick continued his mumbling until he entered his room, at which point he walked to his bed and collapsed on it, falling asleep instantly.

Meanwhile, downstairs Alfred entered the living room.

"Is everything alright, Master Bruce?" Alfred inquired.

"Everything is fine, Alfred. Just another one of Dick's many new personalities coming out from the shadows." Bruce joked.

"No one ever said raising teenagers would be easy, Master Bruce." The butler reminded the billionaire.

"With good reason." He agreed with a sigh, "But I still wouldn't trade him in for anything."

"Nor would I wish it any other way, sir." Alfred supported his statement.

"Alfred, be honest; was I ever that bad when I was his age?" The man asked his former guardian.

"To be perfectly honest, Master Bruce, some things are better off being left unsaid." The butler said as he excused himself.


	4. Chapter 4: Mood Swings (Part II)

**Sorry it took me a while to update. Had a lot going on lately (insert lame excuse here). Anyway here's the next part, I would have included one about Rocket but in the first season she was only in the last two episodes, so it was hard to get a feel for her personality. I'll try to include her in some other ones- these all take place at random times during/between Season 1 and the 5 year break before Season 2, so I might go back and forth with the timeline a bit. If you have any scenarios you would like to see feel free to suggest.**

**I do not now nor have I ever owned Young Justice or anything related to DC Comics.**

**Read. Review. Enjoy.**

* * *

_Dark Knight and the 7 Mood Swings (Part 2):_

**Horny (Kaldur):**

The Team had just completed a training exercise that Batman was supervising. The Bat noticed that the Team's leader seemed a little distracted during the activity.

"That's enough for today, training dismissed." Batman excused everyone. "Aqualad, a word." He quietly requested to avoid drawing attention from the others who were leaving.

"Is there something wrong, Batman?" Kaldur asked as he approached the man.

"You tell me. I've noticed you were distracted during today's training. Is something on your mind?" The older male asked.

"I am afraid so." The aquatic teen said avoiding eye contact with The Bat.

"You said that you made up your mind about Atlantis. As I told you before, you cannot efficiently lead this team if your mind isn't here 100%." The man explained.

"I am at peace with the decision I have made about leaving Atlantis; that is not what is distracting me." The Atlantean confirmed.

"Then what_ is_ distracting you?" The mentor asked.

"My people have this saying: 'You can take the boy out of Atlantis; but you cannot take the Atlantis out of the boy.'" Aqualad stalled.

"I thought you said you weren't distracted by Atlantis." Batman countered.

"It is not Atlantis itself that is troubling me. I can live on land for the rest of my natural born life; however, I cannot escape my heritage." The adolescent male explained.

"You've lost me." The Bat started to grow impatient with the teen's excuse.

Kaldur sighed before he explained, "It is like this: when my people reach a certain point of physical maturity, our most primal instinct is activated between the spring and autumn solstice."

"So what you are telling me is that you were distracted because you're… amorous?" Batman asked, trying to find the appropriate word.

Batman was aware of the Atlantean mating season from what Aquaman had told him once before about Atlantean culture; after he confronted the sea king about his regularly requested leaves from the League during the summer.

"In a manner of speaking, yes." The aquatic adolescent confirmed. "During today's training exercise I could not control the suggestive thoughts I had about my female teammates; particularly our newest member, Rocket."

"I get the picture." The older male established, knowing from experience how easy it could be to get distracted when working with members of the opposite sex.

"If you feel my current condition renders me unfit for the position as team leader, I understand." Aqualad implied, knowing that Batman wanted someone who was focus to lead the Team.

"Do you feel that's best?" The Dark Knight questioned.

"My only concern is what is right for the Team." Kaldur proclaimed. "I do not believe it is appropriate for a leader to have anything more than platonic thoughts about their teammates."

"Exactly how long does the 'Atlantean mating season' last?" The Caped Crusader asked to refresh his memory.

"Typically from April through mid-August, although my king has told me it could be longer or shorter; as it depends on the individual." Aquaman's protégé answered, "My king has also informed me before that once the mating ritual has been completed the symptoms may decrease sooner."

"It's one thing to have… physical needs, but it is an entirely different thing to act on those needs, especially with a teammate." The Justice League leader tried to explain to the Team leader.

"Please, do not misunderstand." Aqualad apologized "I was not implying that I needed to act on these 'physical needs'. I understand that there are some lines that a leader must not cross. I assure you that my will is stronger than my instincts."

"Seemingly so, since you've apparently been able to subdue these urges for the last three months." The vigilante considered. "But will you be able to keep it up for another month or so?"

"The urges are getting stronger, but I am trying my best to manage." Kaldur admitted. "As I have said: if you believe it is best for the Team that I not lead it during this time, I understand."

"We'll play it by ear, for now." The older leader stated. "I just need you to be honest with me about whether you are able to participate in missions with your… condition. There is no shame in taking a day off, especially if it will affect your concentration in combat."

"I will be honest about my ability to lead the Team." The young leader promised.

"Good to hear." The mentor said as he was about to leave to avoid embarrassing either of them any further.

"Batman, before you go, may I ask you a question?" Aqualad requested.

The Dark Knight froze. The last time a teenager asked him questions regarding this nature, it didn't go very well. However, Bruce knew that 17-year-old Kaldur was much more mature than 14-year-old Dick.

"Go ahead." The man offered as he turned around to face the inquiring teen.

"I know that humans and Atlanteans are not 100% the same; on the other hand we do have many similar physiologies, as well as similar... instincts." The Atlantean stalled, before cutting to the chase. "Do you have any advice on how to help suppress these unwanted thoughts?"

"Normally, I would say to take cold showers." The older male suggested. "But seeing as you're used to the ocean's cold water, I'm not sure how well that would work. The only other thing I can suggest is trying to think of something that you find repulsive or distracting when those thoughts occur."

"I will keep that in mind. Thank you for your time and advice, Batman." The Atlantean thanked the human and went to catch up with the rest of the team, while Batman headed towards the Zeta Beam; which was set for The Batcave.

Once he was alone in The Batcave, he started thinking to himself: 'Am I the only mentor that actually talks to the Team? I think I need to have a talk with the other mentors about upping their game.'

* * *

**Angsty (Artemis):**

The mentors switched protégés for patrol again. This time Batman switched with Green Arrow. Batman knew that Artemis was having a difficult time adjusting to both the Team and Gotham Academy, as well as keeping her secret.

"So how is school?" Batman inquired.

"Ugh, I don't want to talk about that right now." Artemis said. "I don't even want to think about it."

"Why not?" The man asked.

"I have so many assignments due this week at my new school, it's not even funny." The archer sighed. "I have a 12 page English essay due Wednesday, a French report due Thursday, and a health project due Friday. Plus I have to prepare for a math quiz and a biology exam tomorrow, and I still have to make up that cross-country mile in gym class from when I had to leave school early last week for that mission in Star City."

"Juggling missions and a normal life can be rather difficult." The Bat recognized.

"'Difficult'?" The teen mocked, "School was pretty easy when I was at Gotham North, the teachers barely knew you were there and didn't bother handing out difficult assignments."

"It's also one of the worst preforming schools in the country from what I've heard." The vigilante reminded the teenager.

"True, you could pretty much make honor roll just by turning in a grocery list with your name on it." Artemis chuckled. "The sad thing is I'm not even exaggerating, one of my friend's older sisters did that all four years and was class valedictorian."

"I can see why you would miss an institution that cares so much about the future of America." The Caped Crusader stated sarcastically.

"It's not the school I miss; it's my friends." Artemis clarified. "I haven't seen them since I joined the Team and switched schools."

"You can always hang out with them on your days off." the Dark Knight assured her. "No one said you couldn't keep your old friends."

"Except my mom." The blonde corrected. "Well, she's not actually forbidding me from hanging out with them or anything, but I know she never approved of my friends from my old school. Plus, they aren't exactly making an effort to see me either; I haven't talked to any of them since I transferred to Gotham Academy."

"What about the Team?" Batman inquired.

"Don't get me wrong, they are all really cool and nice… Well, except for Kid Flash, who's had it out for me from day one." Artemis noted before continuing. "But sometimes I feel like they're only my friends because we're teammates. I can't help but think that if it weren't for the fact that we were on the same team none of them would give me the time of day, especially if they knew about my family."

"I'm sure that's not true." The Dark Knight proclaimed, after a few seconds of an awkward silence he continued. "What about school? Have you made any new friends there?" He asked trying to sound as if he didn't already know the answer.

"Well, there is this one freshman: Dick Grayson." Artemis said. "He's really friendly… and forward. On my first day of school the kid just walked up and randomly took a selfie with me on his phone. I mean, who does that?"

"He's not harassing you, is he?" The man asked, wondering if Bruce should have a talk with Dick.

"No, he's a bit eccentric at times; but he's mostly harmless." The blonde archer proclaimed "We're actually pretty good friends now. It turns out his dad, well adopted dad, is Bruce Wayne: the billionaire who is the head of the foundation that gave me my scholarship."

"Interesting." The Bat said trying to act casually. "So do you and Dick ever hang out?" He added to keep the subject off his alter ego.

"Yeah, I've gone over to Dick's house a few times to study. His dad is pretty cool, but mostly keeps to himself. They live in a really nice mansion, with a butler and everything. And sometimes we hang out at lunch with his girlfriend Barbara-"

"He has a girlfriend?" The confused vigilante raised an eyebrow.

"Well, they say there's nothing going on between them; but I think they like each other. Barbara didn't seem to like me much at first, especially after the selfie incident; but, now that she knows I'm not interested in him like that, she's been friendlier to me."

"Hmmm…" Was all The Bat could say, Bruce might just have to give Dick a lecture after all.

After a few moments of silence Artemis spoke again. "Thanks by the way."

"For what?" The vigilante asked.

"For everything." Artemis generalized before she clarified "Letting me join the Team despite my family's past… and present affiliations, for not telling the others about my family's past, and for somehow convincing Bruce Wayne to give me a full ride scholarship to the best school in Gotham."

"I'm not sure what you're talking about." The Caped Crusader proclaimed.

"You're not the only one with detective skills, you know." The blonde informed the ebony "It's a bit odd that shortly after I join the Team that I get accepted to a private school on a scholarship I never applied for."

"I thought you didn't like you're new school." The masked man tried to change the subject; he's never been good at accepting gratitude for something he didn't see as a big deal.

"Granted, the school work is more challenging and it does make balancing my life a little more difficult; but my mom is happy that I'm getting the opportunities that she's never had." Artemis said thoughtfully." And I'm happy that she's happy."

"That's good to know." Was all the Bat could think to say.

He honestly didn't think much about giving her the scholarship; even if Robin hadn't ask him to. Though he did often try to hide it, Batman saw the Justice League and the Team as an extended family and wanted the best for all of them.

'Wow, Robin was right.' Artemis thought to herself, 'Batman's not very good with emotions.'

* * *

**Mopey (Kid Flash):**

It was time for the mentors to switch protégés for patrol again. This time The Batman switched protégés with The Flash; much to The Bats disliking. It's not that Batman had anything personal against Kid Flash. In fact, since Wally was his ward's best friend, as well as the nephew of one of his best friends; Bruce knew Wally better than he knew any other member on the newly formed team of young heroes (aside from his own protégé, of course). But Batman has noticed that Kid Flash has been really mopey lately and he found it very annoying.

"How much longer?" Kid Flash asked, in his black stealth mode uniform.

"We just started patrolling 8 minutes ago." Batman informed the impatient protégé while staring ahead into the dark city of Gotham.

"Why are we up here?" Wally questioned.

"So we can have a view of the whole city." The Bat replied.

"Can't we just drive around town in the Batmobile?" The speedster suggested.

"No. We need to stay hidden." The Dark Knight informed the young man.

"Well, can I at least drive the Batmobile when we go back to the Batcave?" The gingered teen asked.

"No." The vigilante stated firmly.

"But you let Robin drive the Batmobile..." The speedster whined "When he was 11."

"That was one time and it was only because my legs were temporarily paralyzed from a sedative." Batman informed the mopey teen.

"Stupid Robin; gets to have all the fun." The ginger mumbled under his breath; Batman heard him, but chose to ignore it before Wally started up again. "So while we're waiting for something to happen, can I listen to music?"

"No." Said The Dark Knight.

"Can we take a break to get ice cream?" The red-headed adolescent requested.

"No." The man said.

"How about Pizza?" The younger male asked.

"No, we need to be ready to spring into action at all times." The older male stated.

"But Flash lets me listen to music during patrols and we always take breaks to get something to eat because of our high metabolisms." the redhead informed the ebony.

"I'm not The Flash." The Bat mentally thanked the heavens for that.

"Obviously." The fastest boy alive muttered.

"Why must you complain about everything?" The Caped Crusader sighed, still staring into the dark city.

"Hey, I don't complain." The teen whined.

"Yes, you do." The mentor claimed frankly, "As a matter of fact, that's all you've done since Green Arrow's niece joined the Team."

"About that, Bats; you can drop the act. I think we all know she isn't really Green Arrow's niece." The young male stated, "Roy has known GA for years and says that he's never once mentioned having a niece, especially not one named Artemis."

"What's your point?" The vigilante questioned.

"My point is: She's lying to everyone and she took Roy's spot on the Team!" The ginger practically shouted, which earned him a Batglare before he lowered his voice to continue, "Red Arrow and I think she's hiding something. I want to know what she hiding and why she's even on the Team?"

"First of all, there are no limited spots on the Team and Roy has rejected multiple invitations to join." The Dark Knight reminded the copper-haired teen as he looked back to the city he wanted to protect. "Second, everyone has secrets and some things are none of your business. Lastly, she's on the Team because she wants to fight for justice, just like the rest of you."

"'Fight for justice'? She sabotaged a mission to take on a villain by herself." Kid Flash said trying to refrain from shouting to avoid earning another Batglare.

"From what I've heard you and Red Arrow had, on multiple occasions, been trying to convince everyone that she was incompetent. She was trying to prove herself to the two of you; something Flash has told me you've done multiple times when you first started." The Bat reminded the young speedster. "In fact, if I had a penny for every time I've heard of a protégé messing up a mission trying to prove their skills and loyalty, I'd be a billionaire."

"You don't say." Kid Flash mumbled while rolling his eyes, thinking The Bat couldn't see it.

"You can stop pretending, Wally. We both know that you know who I am." Batman stated still staring into the city.

The boy still tried to act nonchalantly. "I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about."

"I said you can cut the act." The Bat said "Also, your comments around the Team about it are as obvious as the fact that you only continue to flirt with Miss Martian to keep your real love interest a secret."

"How did you know that?" The gingered teen asked.

"World's greatest detective…" The vigilante reminded the ginger "Seriously, what part of 'Batman' does no one on the Team seem to understand?"

"Trust me, no one on the Team understands Batman... except maybe Robin." Wally joshed. "So what else do you know about me?"

"You mean other than the obvious sexual tension between you and Artemis?" Batman asked, teasing the teen.

"What?!" Wally shouted in a shocked tone, before he got another Batglare for being too loud.


	5. Chapter 5: Mood Swings (Part III, Bonus)

**Thanks for the reviews. Way ahead of you fl4sh, I was already working on a Roy one and was going to attach it to the last page but the last chapter already long and an update was overdue, so I made Roy his own chapter. I was going a slightly different direction but tried to incorporate your (fl4sh's) idea, so I hope you and everyone else likes it. **

**Warning: Roy may be a bit out of character in this chapter (with a legitimate reason, I assure you- no crack). In the future I will try to keep him more in character.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Young Justice, though if I could I would totally own Roy Harper (when he's in character, of course).**

**And now our feature presentation. Enjoy.**

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_Dark Knight and the 7 Mood Swings_ (Part III, Bonus): 

**Envy (Roy)**

It was just past 3:00AM when Batman and Robin got back from patrol. After an early start work day and a particularly long night protecting Gotham, all the billionaire/vigilante wanted was to get some sleep. However, someone had other plans.

Bruce Wayne had just fallen asleep for less than 3 minutes before he heard a loud ring coming from the cellphone on his nightstand.

"Do you have any idea what time it is?" Bruce automatically answered the cell without even opening his eyes, planning on quickly chewing out whoever called him and then going back to sleep.

"It's almost 3:30." A familiar voice said in a matter-of-fact tone on the other end.

"And why are you calling me at 3:30 in the morning, Roy?" The grumpy tycoon inquired.

"What, I'm not allowed to call my favorite honorary uncle?" Roy asked sarcastically.

"Not this late, especially after the day I just had." The half-asleep man responded. "If you wanted to talk to an uncle, why didn't you call Guardian? You remember him; he's that guy who actually is your uncle."

"He wouldn't pick up his phone and his voice-mail is full." The former sidekick informed the man on the other end of the phone. "Besides he's been really busy lately, reforming Cadmus and all."

"Why can't you just talk to Oliver?" Bruce continued to pass the buck.

"Ollie took Dinah to a bed and breakfast for her birthday and requested that they not be disturbed for the weekend… If you know what I mean." Oliver Queen's adopted son hinted not-so-subtlety.

"Can this wait until morning?" The desperately fatigued billionaire inquired, hoping Roy would take a hint and leave him alone so he could go back to sleep.

"Sorry, I didn't know your concern for me had a curfew!" Roy stated dramatically. "But no, that's fine. Don't worry about me, because Heaven knows you need your beauty sleep."

"This better be important, Roy." Bruce countered; he was in no mood for Roy's late night dramatics.

"Well, the thing is I kind of need a favor." The redheaded archer finally admitted.

"Of course you do." The exhausted Bat sighed, giving up on the idea of falling asleep anytime soon. "What is it?"

"I need you to pick me up." The copper-haired teen stated.

"How many times must I tell everyone: The Batmobile is not a 24-hour taxi service?" The tired man asked rhetorically while resting his free hand over his eyes in frustration. "What's wrong with your car?"

"I-I can't drive it." The younger man admitted.

"What do you mean you can't drive your car?" The alert nature of Batman in Bruce had finally awoken. "Were you in an accident?"

"No, I just kinda… forgot how to drive." The ginger marksman explained.

"How do you forget…?" The confused older male asked before he realized. "Roy, are you drunk again?"

"It's a strong possibility…" Roy said coyly, trying to avoid giving a straight answer as he slightly slurred on the last word.

"For the love of…" The angry bat muttered under his breath, rubbing his sleepy eyes before he spoke up "Roy, just because you are legally an adult doesn't mean you're old enough to drink. You were just appointed a member of the Justice League, for Pete's sake; your job is to uphold the law. Kids look up to you. The Team looks up to you."

"I know, I'm a screw up." Roy's slur became more noticeable with the tone of emotional distress in his voice. "I bet the real Roy Harper was perfect!"

"Not this again." The billionaire grumbled. "The League is trying their best to find the original Roy Harper Jr. Regardless, you will always be considered a part of The League, clone or not." At this point, Bruce got out of bed and headed for the Batcave.

"Sure, then when the real Roy is back he's probably gonna wanna have me destroyed." Red Arrow exaggerated.

"You're overreacting." The ebony haired male proclaimed. "After all, Clark didn't destroy Conner."

"No, he just ignored him and refused to acknowledge him as his son for almost a year." The drunken clone said before he had an epiphany. "Wait a minute; if I'm Roy Harper's clone would that make me his son, too? Because when Ollie found me I was the same age as him, so wouldn't that be weird to have a 'dad' that's the same age as you?"

"Clark still has a hard time accepting Conner as his son, but he's recently accepted him as a younger brother of sorts. That would probably be an easier way to describe your situation as well." Bruce suggested.

"Wouldn't I technically be Roy Harper III, instead of Roy Harper Jr?" The ginger continued his drunken rant. "Or should I just change my name to something else like: Royce... or Leroy? How does Ray Harper sound?"

"We'll cross that bridge when we get there." The tycoon assured the clone. "Just don't make any life changing decisions in your current state of mind."

"But what if, when he does come back, Ollie decides he likes the original Roy better than me?" Red Arrow's pity party continued. "He's already replaced me as his partner with Artemis, what if he replaces me as his son? And what about Jade; will she like the other Roy Harper better? I finally convinced her to leave The Shadows, what if when we find him she realizes likes him better and leaves me for him?"

"First of all, Green Arrow only hired a new protégé because you decided to go solo." The Bat reminded him. "And yes, Oliver will most likely want to bond with the other Roy as well; but that doesn't mean he will abandon you or completely replace you all together. Second, I doubt Jade will leave you for him; just because you share the same DNA doesn't mean you're the same person mentally." The older vigilante assured the younger, trying to stop the drunken self-pity rant from continuing as he entered the Batcave, there was a brief silence while he began to suit up in his uniform before he spoke again. "Alright, I'm on my way. But I need to know where you are."

"I don't know where I am." The intoxicated ginger confessed. "I've been bar hopping around using the Zeta-Tubes because Ollie hid the key to his liquor cabinet. After last call, I've just been walking around trying to remember where I am and how to get to the nearest Zeta-Beam."

"How did you even get into a bar?" The Dark Knight inquired as he walked over to his computer.

"I walked in. How else would you get into a bar?" Roy asked, wondering if Bruce has also been hitting the sauce.

"I meant, how were you able to buy alcohol from a public bar when you're only 19?" The Caped Crusader clarified to the confused drunkard.

"Well, the first few places I went to in Star City wouldn't serve me because they saw through my fake ID and recognized me as Oliver Queen's ward." The auburn male explained. "So I used the Zeta-Beams to find a bar that wouldn't recognize me."

"How have you not been arrested for public drunkenness or underage drinking, yet?" The caped man questioned as he typed some codes into his computer.

"I guess the police here have bigger things to worry about." The drunkard tried to reason.

"That actually makes sense." Batman said as he looked at his computer. "Apparently, you're in Gotham."

"How do you know that?" Roy asked astonished.

"I checked your tracking device." The Bat clarified.

"You tagged me?" The archer accused. "Like a wild animal?"

"Everyone in the League and on the Team has a tracking device for safety reasons. Remember that shot we gave everyone before the induction ceremony?" Batman reminded the intoxicated ginger.

"Oh, Right." The confused archer remembered. "So since I'm in Gotham, can I crash at Wayne Manor?"

"You can stay the night." The older male invited his nephew of sorts, he just wanted to get back to bed. "But under no circumstances do you let Dick, Wally, or any of the other protégés know that you were drinking again. You need to start setting a good example."

"Sounds fair." Roy agreed, thinking this meant that Bats would keep this only between them.

"Also, I'm going to have a talk with Oliver and Dinah about putting you in therapy." Bruce warned.

"That's not fair." The marksman pouted.

"You need help, Roy." The archer's honorary uncle insisted, "You have an addictive and obsessive personality disorder; you need to come to terms with your inner demons to overcome it. We don't want this to turn into another intervention. Oliver still has nightmares from when he found you passed out after shooting up."

"I don't wanna go to therapy." The ginger complained.

"You have three options: Therapy, rehab, or jail." The Bat ordered, giving the young man an ultimatum.

"Fine, I'll go to therapy." The archer was in no mood for an argument, especially not with the leader of the Justice League.

"Alright, I have your coordinates. I'll be there in less than 10 minutes; just don't go anywhere." The Batman ordered.

"'Kay, so who's picking me up: Bruce or Batman?" The gingered teen asked, wanting to know who he should be on the lookout for.

"Batman. The last thing Bruce Wayne needs right now is to be seen picking up a drunk, teenage male in the red-light district of downtown Gotham in the middle of the night." The Dark Knight reasoned, at least as Batman it would look like he was going to turn in the underage drinker.

"Got it. Later." Roy agreed as he sat on the sidewalk against a building, he was getting tired of walking around anyway. Both men hung up their phones.

The Dark Knight looked at the clock that showed it was now 3:45 AM and sighed.

"These teens are going to be the death of me." Batman mumbled under his breath as he walked towards the Batmobile.

* * *

**A/N: Normally I don't like using drugs or alcohol in stories, especially if it hasn't been established in the show (though there was some hints that he may have had a drug/alcohol problem in the beginning of Season 2; given his demeanor and appearance). But in the comics Roy does have a past with drugs and since Red Arrow also appears to be emotionally blocked like Batman, I figured it would make more sense for him to open up if he wasn't sober. **

**I don't drink (I guess you can say I'm on the cusp somewhere between 'teetotaler' and 'straight edge') and everyone tells me that I would probably be a fun drunk because I'm usually serious and reserved, so I guess I kind of decided to live vicariously through Roy. Anyway, please review; thanks.**


	6. Chapter 6: Parental Advisory

**Thanks for the reviews, and yes I did a lot of research on Roy when I was working on my first story 'The Odd Couple', a Teen Titan story where Speedy was the main character (which I really should hurry up and finish up already). Anyway, this chapter was kind of inspired by something I went through a couple of weeks ago (minor staph infection) and like most artists, I decided to turn my pain into entertainment. I tried to be detailed, but not too graphic.**

**I normally try to avoid using songs or ****pop culture ****references (because everyone has different tastes), but this song just had so many references to Batman, as well as some that could apply to Bruce, that I just couldn't resist exploring how he would react to it. Plus, I figured a common issue parents have with teens is the music they listen to. I also try to avoid swearing in my stories, but it's only one line that was just too perfect, so I couldn't resist.**

**Disclaimer: Unfortunately I don't own Young Justice, IPods, or My Chemical Romance... If I did, there would have been a Season 3 of YJ (plus Wally would have never 'died') and MCR would have never retired.**

**Even if you don't like MCR, I hope you enjoy and review.**

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Chapter 6: Parental Advisory

On night, Batman and Robin had a run-in with Poison Ivy at Gotham Botanical Gardens; during which, Robin had acquired a bug bite on his left knee. Neither of them, nor Alfred, thought anything of it at the time; seeing as Robin had received much worse injuries in battle and it didn't seem like much cause for concern at the time. However, after a few days it started to swell and develop an abscess with an open wound that wouldn't heal; despite the best efforts of Alfred's home treatments. Dick refused to see a doctor and even tried to downplay his condition; until he woke up one morning with his knee was so swollen that he couldn't move it, let alone walk, without trying to stifle a cry of pain- which was serious for someone who normally had a high tolerance for physical pain.

At this point, Bruce called in a favor to a close family friend, Dr. Leslie Thompkins, for a house call. She was mostly concerned that he might have MRSA; which is resistant to most antibiotics, highly contagious, and life threatening. But after a negative culture test, the doctor confirmed it was cellulitis; which is much easier to treat and not contagious.

Leslie prescribed the boy antibiotics for the infection and some analgesics for the pain, as well as ordering the teen to stay home from school and refrain from extracurricular activities until a follow up exam. Batman didn't have any problem keeping Robin off patrol for the time being, though Robin highly objected. On the other hand, while Bruce he didn't like seeing Dick in pain, he couldn't help but worry about the effects of the pain killers. Being young and somewhat small for his age, Dick always had a low tolerance to medications and Bruce wasn't sure how the boy would react to such heavy pain meds.

As Bruce predicted, the meds made his son extremely drowsy; which caused him to sleep most of the day. This was actually good news for Bruce and Alfred because this made it much easier to clean his wound and change the bandages, since Dick was very apprehensive about anyone touching the affected limb. Bruce and Alfred entered Dick's room; Alfred was carrying a tray containing: a first aid kit, a hot damp towel in a Ziploc bag, a water bottle, and Dick's medication. Dick was sleeping under the covers; though his fever from the infection had gone down slightly, he still had the chills. As they approached the bed they heard some light humming, though this didn't surprise the men because Dick was known to mumble in his sleep- especially when he wasn't feeling well. Under the covers, his infected leg was propped up by several pillows. The men, wishing not to disturb the reposing teen, only lifted the bottom portion of the blankets to reveal the bandaged knee. It was apparent that it was time to change the dressing, as blood has soaked through the gauze wrap.

Alfred opened the first aid kit and retrieved gloves for his charge and himself, which they both put on promptly. As Alfred went to take off the old dressings, they saw the covered teen twitch; he tried to be gentle so he wouldn't wake up his honorary grandson. Bruce was preparing the cleaning agents when Dick's humming got louder and turned into soft mumbling.

"Na na na na na…." The boy mumbled softly from under the covers.

"Is he singing what I think he's singing?" The ebony-haired man asked the gray-haired man.

"If so it appears to be in the wrong tune, sir." Alfred commented.

"Drugs, gimme drugs…!" Dick commanded in a soft groggy shout before he trailed off.

"What?" The father questioned; not sure if he heard his adopted son right.

"He may need more of pain medication." The butler suggested, as he cut off the old bandage the wrapped around the boy's knee.

"… I don't need it, but I'll sell what you got, take the cash and I'll keep it…" Dick's voice went in and out until it drifted into a soft incoherent hum.

"Dick, what in the name of…?" The vigilante said in disbelief that his crime fighting partner would talk about dealing drugs. The man walked to the head of the bed and lifted the top of the covers to expose the boy's face; showing he was still sleeping and wearing his noise canceling earphones as the humming continued. Dick's face winced at the natural light coming from the window and Bruce put the covers back on him to let him rest.

"What was the matter, Master Bruce?" Alfred said as he cleaned the wound with alcohol wipes.

"Nothing, Alfred. It turns out it's just a song." Bruce said with a slight sigh of relief as he put some antiseptic ointment on a Q-tip.

"Love, gimme love…I don't need it... I'll take what I want from your heart and I'll keep it…Gimme more, Gimme more... Shut up and sing it with me…." Dick continued to drift in and out of coherency.

"Music certainly has changed since I was a lad." The butler commented as he discarded the alcohol pads.

"Same here." The billionaire agreed, handing the Q-tip to his father figure.

"Na na na na… from mall security… to every enemy..." The teen's mumbling still tuning in and out in the background.

"Perhaps we should consider evaluating the music Master Richard listens to more closely." Dick's grandfather figure suggested as he finished applying ointment on the wound.

"Na na na na… Let's blow an artery... Na na na… Eat plastic surgery…" Dick's rambling continued.

"He's mature for his age. Besides, he's old enough to out pick his own music." The tycoon defended the teen as he handed his butler the gauze pad and wrap, talking over Dick's mumbling. "The lyrics are a bit strange, but so are most things teenagers are into these days."

"… Let me tell you about the sad man, shut up… Let me see your jazz hands..." Dick continued his slumbering song, as Alfred placed the bag with the hot compress over the newly bandaged knee. The intensity in Dick's voice was starting to match that of the singer, as his singing got louder and more coherent. "Remember you were a Madman, thought you was Batman…!"

Alfred smirked and raise an eyebrow at the man next to him who had a blank, yet somewhat perplexed look on his face; he wasn't quite sure how to interpret the context.

"…Kiss me, you animal…!" Dick shouted as he continued to sing along "… Na na … You run the company…. Na na… Fuck like a Kennedy…"

"Alright, Dick; that's enough!" The father figure shouted in a stern voice as he lifted the blanket off the sleeping boy to wake him up. He wouldn't admit it, but deep down the man couldn't help but feel the song was making a personal jab at him, both as Batman: the fearless vigilante and Bruce Wayne: the billionaire playboy.

Dick stirred in his bed, trying to avoid the light that was attempting to penetrate through his eyelids. He finally opened his eyes to catch a glimpse of his guardians at the foot of his bed. He closed his eyes again, but took off his earphones before he spoke up. "Hey, guys. What's up?"

"Just changing your bandages, Master Richard." Alfred spoke up "The medication must be quite strong to put you in a deep enough sleep for you not to notice."

"Must be." The teen agreed with a yawn.

"It's time for your medicine anyway." Bruce announced after opening the pill bottles.

"Ugh." The teen grunted as he sat up and quickly emptied one of each pill into his hand before swallowing it and washing it down with a bottle of water.

"So Dick, do you always listen to music when you fall asleep?" Bruce finally asked.

"Only when I have a hard time sleeping." The youngest male explained as he laid himself back down to rest. "Those pills make me tired, but they won't let me to go into a deep enough sleep. I needed something to relax me enough to actually rest."

"Hmmm…" The adoptive father mused; he didn't want to let his son know what he was planning. "Maybe we should talk to Dr. Thompkins about changing the medicine or at least the dosage."

"Please Bruce, the pain is just barely tolerable now. I don't want to mess with success." Dick begged.

"Alright, fine." He dropped the subject. "But you haven't eaten all day, aren't you hungry?"

"Not really." The boy proclaimed as he put a pillow over his head to block out the offending sunlight, "I don't think I can hold anything down. All these pills have been giving me heartburn."

"You need to eat something." The concern father stated.

"Perhaps I should run down to the drugstore for ginger ale and broth?" The butler suggested. "Regardless, we are in need of more first aid supplies as well."

"Holy staphylococcal cellulitis, Batman! No time to waste! Quick, to the apothecary, Alfred!" The Boy Wonder announced, slightly muffled by the pillow. The boy's guardians took this as a sign that the pain pills were starting to kick in again and that he would be going back to sleep soon.

"Alright, we'll let you get back to sleep." The legal guardian declared "Oh, maybe instead of listening to music to help you fall asleep you can watch TV." He suggested.

"Um, okay?" Dick said only half awake as he used his free hand to remove the pillow from his face.

"Great, then I'll just take your IPod and charge it for you." Bruce said trying to be discreet as he took the music device and handed his son the remote before headed for the door.

"Uh, thanks?" Replied the delirious teen, who lifted the pillow from his face to turn on the TV.

"Alright then, sleep well." The father figure said to his son as he closed the door behind him.

"And what, may I ask, do you plan to do with Master Richard's IPod, sir?" Alfred inquired as both men walked down the hallway.

"I'm going to go through it and erase any songs that make any unfavorable references to Batman; then I'm going to confiscate all the music devices from the Team and do the same." The Bat confided in his butler as he headed down to the Batcave.


End file.
